Canterbury Regimental Colours
Version 1.1
by Lieutenent Colonel Rat-Bastard (Simeon Lodge)
We may be in KAOS, but we're not completely disorganised. Sometimes organisation helps, and sometimes it's amusing just to have it, so we can call ourselves an army.
Therefore we have the KAOS Expeditionary Army, or KEA. Our mascot is the Kea, New Zealand's agressive alpine parrot whose hobbies include ripping things to bits, stealing shiney things, scavanging anything edible, having sex and sliding down tin roofs. As such it would probably be a better national bird than the small flightless Kiwi, which has as its claim to fame its keen sense of smell and ability to run like blazes and lay an egg the size of your fist. You can see why we're called KEA.
You can read a catalogue of our past follies in the KEA Operational History.
KEA organises expeditions (or operations) of all kinds. That might mean Pacifist Warfare, a road trip, or just a trip to the pictures or the beach; the important thing is that it be a fun day (or days) out.
As we have long been "Friends of Democracy" in KAOS, this is
naturally organised along feudal-populist lines. For example, in the case of
a Pacifist Warfare battle, any agent being able to
muster at least 3 other agents to snigger at them behind their
back under their command, or alternatively one
prop (e.g pacifist warfare artillery piece) with the necessary crew will
be issued the rank of sergeant for that battle. Any
mustering at least 8, or two props with crew will be
commissioned as a lieutenant. Any egalitarian minded units may feel
free to rotate their officers and NCOs over the course of multiple battles,
we don't particularly care.
However, once you have an actual officer (or better yet, a flag) you should follow them around, while on the field. Following your officer helps you to stick together as a unit.
The Colonel of the Regiment is the Dictator of KAOS. Most of the day-to-day organisation and mischief is probably handled by the Lieutenant-Colonel... but I have no clear recollection of that event at this time.
Not all operations will be uniformed, or require all (or any) of the equipment listed. This will be specified at the time. Some may even require something completely different, like $20, or a labcoat and a bicycle. If nothing is required, then the operation is a generic KAOS expedition.
Each unit may have different uniform, as desired. Internally, units should be able to present a vaguely uniform apparence (e.g. black overcoat and KAOS badge is sufficient for winter uniform, or a KAOS T-shirt for summer, although if you want you could dress like this or this, or even this), and have access to the following arms:
The uniform of the Canterbury Regimental Staff is as follows: visored stovepipe hat (black with a red band), rank epaulets (red with gold insignia), braid (gold and red), suit or trousers and overcoat (black), tie (black), shirt (white), boots or shoes (black). Other units are welcome to adopt uniforms either similar or wildly different.
There are four general types of KAOS unit:
Militia: These are people who just show up. It's prefered that you dress in black, preferably with a badge or some other insignia
(KAOS) Guard: People who dress in the same general style of the staff; hat (black, optional, any military style), epaulets (regimental colour), jacket or overcoat and trousers (black), tie (black), shirt (white), boots or shoes (black).
Decorative additions should be in black, the regimental colour, or the regimental metal for small items. The regimental colour for Canterbury is red and the metal gold.
This is a guide, not a strict set of requirements, and some variation in style is common.
Special: This is an important type of unit for people who want to do anything else; free thinking is encouraged, we only ask that you do it in groups (we're aware of the irony of this situation) and try not to look like a non combatant (i.e. press, "medical" staff, the general public) or something in very poor taste (e.g. Nazis, the KKK). It's a costume party where you decide your own theme.
(Plot) Devices: Props like beasts, war-machines, artillary or monsters can operate as part of a larger unit or independently. There is a grey line between an eleborate costume and a device; this and this are costumes, while this and this (The Vengence of Madame Cholet, center) are devices. If it's got two or more people in it, it's definately a device. Mixed infantry and device units are refered to as "reinforced".
Special units and devices are especially cool, but any unit is good!
Support staff are very important to an operation and should not be overlooked. Press, drivers, porters, caterers, and in the case of Pacifist Warfare "Medical Staff" (Nurses, Witchdoctors, Mechanics etc) are always desirable.
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Canterbury Regimental Colours |
KEA has a parallel system of military ranks and titles. Titles can be divided into honourary ranks (which are permanent) and command titles (which become honourary ranks after the operation for which they are granted ends). Ranks are divided into field ranks and staff ranks.
Titles (this includes honourary ranks) are always colourless (black), while active ranks may be in regimental colours (where applicable).
All ranks in KEA are to a greater or lesser degree temporary; staff rank lapsing on a yearly basis, while field rank is assigned for a single operation. However, all ex-officers have the honourary rank equivalent to the highest rank they have held to date.
The chart above-left describes various different KEA ranks and titles (some of which have never been issued, and perhaps never will be). The criteria for field ranks varies depending on the type of operation, the following are standard for Pacifist Warfare:
Staff ranks are issued according to the following criteria:
In addition, the Regimental Commander or Dictator might appoint people to the regimental staff, and assign them rank. This goes with expectation that they will make themselves useful!
Beyond regimental (coloured) grade ranks are the general (colourless) grade command titles. As these titles mostly apply to the nominated (KAOS) leader of multiple battalions (regiments in the field), they can only be assumed for an operation by the assent of the leaders of the battalions concerned. The following are suggested guidelines:
3 battalions (brigade) = Brigadier, 6 battalions (division) = General, 12 battalions (army-group) = Field Marshall
The title of Warlord is outside the normal rank hierachy, and is issued to leaders under special circumstances, sometimes as a special award.
Officers and NCOs are free to apply the appropriate rank insignia to their uniforms in inventive ways, as they find amusing. However, wearing rank insignia in the field in such a way as to cause confusion (misleading regimental colours, or rank insignia that isn't current) is frowned on, in the spontaineous execution sense.
You might have noticed that many of these definitions differ somewhat from those used by real armies. KEA is not a real army, and our system works for us, so don't bother us with pedantic objections.
Once an expeditions target is beyond the range of public transport, you should consider making logistic arangements for getting there (if it isn't beyond the range of public transport then it still helps to mention useful bus routes or train lines). Where possible, car-pooling is a useful way of transporting people over distances (road-trip!) Officers can make themselves useful here by compiling lists of people with cars and people needing a ride. Fuel costs for all vehicals should be split between all the occupants.
Regardless of the method of transport, it's important for each traveling-party to have the following:
If you're the host group, and you're expecting visitors overnight, you should consider where they're going to sleep. Officers can again make themselves useful in finding billets (spare bedrooms, sofas, and even garages in summer). If billets arn't desired, or are thin on the ground, you can compile a list of camp-grounds (or friendly lawns), hotels and backpackers hostals.
Massed combat with "soft" toy weapons
The purpose of pacifist warfare is not to win, it's to have fun and commit theater, with the possible bonus of confusing the public. The winner will be predetirmined before the battle even begins (failing that, it's a draw). As such, it's more important that a weapon be flashy than effective. Weapons that are too effective can be unsporting, unless the intention is that everyone die gloriously at once
Pacifist warfare is touch kill; if somebody hits it you lose it. If you get hit in the leg, you'll have to hop, in the arm, you can't use it, and in the chest, you're dead.
Infantry Weapons:
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Some pictures of Artillary: |
| Weapons should be soft. Please don't strike at the faces or testicles of your opponents, genius. | Artillary should fire soft shot, wet or dry, but not "gloopy" (eeaww). |
Remarks:
Marching in neat straight lines isn't important to the dissipate troops of KAOS, but staying together on the field is important; it's easier for you know what's going on. To that end, there are some useful unit excercises that you can practice in the warm-up before a battle to make your allies and enemies look at you funny. You'll need a whistle or some other signel.
Gather together in your unit. It's important that you identify what you might rally around; your unit commander, any other officers, any devices, or your unit's flag.
When the whistle is blown, everyone runs around like chickens with their heads cut off. If there's only one unit doing this, you scatter, if there's more than one you scatter and mix yourself up with the others.
When the whistle is blown again, you reform around your rally point (officer etc). As a varient, you (or your officer) may be declared dead, making things more confusing.
4-5 layers of corrugated box-cardboard, glued together, will make a light and strong shield (provided you spread the glue right across the cardboard between layers). PVA is probably sufficient. It's suggested that you press the card under something heavy while it dries, trim the edges, edge it in masking tape, and paint it.
Flat coat buttons are useful for preventing fittings like straps from tearing away from the shield. It's a simple matter to inset the buttons in the front of the shield by drawing around them with a pen and cutting a disk out of the first layer of cardboard; you can then cover it with paper or add another layer of cardboard. Place buttons on the back face over the attatchment points of your fittings and sew between buttons on the front and back of the shield using fishing twine, and an awl if you have one.
You can often cut corrugated cardboard easily with a cheap steak knife or snips, avoiding the need to cut yourself with sharp craft knife.
Your shield is not a weapon. Don't hit people with it, it's supposed to stop them hitting you.
Although KAOS employs weapons other than the traditional paper sword, it has the advantage of being cheap and easy to construct at the last minute. This means it's still commonly used.
A paper sword is not simply a rolled up newspaper, fresh from the front lawn. Such a weapon has a goodly weight, and could easily break your nose. We only need a little of the newspaper for each sword.
You then have something that looks roughly like a sabre or cutlass. Used as a foil, (i.e. as a pointed thrusting weapon), you are less likely to hurt your opponent than if you use it as a slashing weapon, or club; keep it low and away from the face. Papers swords sometimes disintergrate in battle, especially if you get them wet, so it helps to bring spares.